That night, however, Jacob arose, took his two wives, with the two maidservants and his eleven children, and crossed the ford of the Jabbok.
After he got them and brought them across the wadi and brought over what belonged to him,
Jacob was left there alone. Then a man wrestled with him until the break of dawn.
When the man saw that he could not prevail over him, he struck Jacob’s hip at its socket, so that Jacob’s socket was dislocated as he wrestled with him.
The man then said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go until you bless me.”
“What is your name?” the man asked. He answered, “Jacob.”
Then the man said, “You shall no longer be named Jacob, but Israel, because you have contended with divine and human beings and have prevailed.”
Jacob then asked him, “Please tell me your name.” He answered, “Why do you ask for my name?” With that, he blessed him.
Jacob named the place Peniel, “because I have seen God face to face,” he said, “yet my life has been spared.”
At sunrise, as he left Penuel, Jacob limped along because of his hip.
— Genesis 32:23-32
I think one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves is that life is supposed to be easy. That if we just choose our jobs, our relationships, and our hobbies correctly, we will not face any struggles or hardships.
Currently, I am in perhaps one of the easiest times of my life. I don’t have a wife or children and the many obligations that these carry with them. My job is pretty standard, taking only 40-50 hours of my time every week. So why is it that when I look at my list of priorities or projects, I often fail to work on them?
It seems to me that this is a failure to take life seriously.1
I believe the failure to take life seriously is the result of not being properly oriented. What are you pointed toward? Or, more simply:
- What do you say you value?
- Are you actually acting like it?
To take life seriously, you must be willing to cast aside the things that do not serve you. There is a struggle here, I think, between this desire to ruthlessly remove excess from your life and the fear that this effort will somehow excise too much, and take away the things that make life enjoyable as well. As though many of these decisions can’t be quickly reversed!
What I am trying to point to here is not about productivity, however. This isn’t necessarily about removing social media in order to read more books after work. It’s about honestly evaluating how you spend your time and questioning whether it aligns with what you claim to value. Because this is not a question of work and relaxation; I do not think there should be such a distinction. Everything we do has a time, a place, and a purpose. The question is, how do your actions align with your life as a whole? Imagine the life that you want, and ask yourself, what does that life ask of you? What would you have to do to cultivate that kind of life?
I think part of the reason we struggle to truly cultivate the lives we want is the belief that change is purely external. That once we start a new job, or relationship, or phase in life, it will be easy to make the changes we want then, so why worry about it now? This is foolish! If you do not take your finances seriously today, what makes you think starting a new job or relationship would change that? If you do not take your fitness seriously today, what makes you think you will get in shape in the future? You are only getting older. At least for myself, I know I will not have more time, energy, or such a lack of obligations in the future. So if I can’t take my life seriously today, what makes me think I will be able to snap my fingers and take it all seriously later?
Another reason we may struggle with building the lives we want is that it is difficult. Yet, luckily for us, I believe that we can learn to enjoy things. Watching a movie without distractions is more effortful than simply scrolling on your phone. And doing the dishes, cleaning your house, or going on a walk is more difficult still. Yet, I believe that we can find simple pleasures in all of these. It is easier not to, of course. But if we put in the effort to enjoy these things, if we learn to enjoy virtue, I believe that our lives will flourish from the effort.2
Let me make this all more tangible. If you want to run a marathon in a year, you should probably go on a run today. And you should probably orient your life around this preparation to run a marathon. When you go to bed, what you eat and drink, and how you spend your time will revolve around running the marathon. You’ll take breaks, miss a few runs, and enjoy some cheat meals, and that is fine, probably good, even! But, overall, your life will be pointed toward the goal of running that marathon.
Let’s take it even further. If you want to be a parent, think about everything it takes to be a good parent. You will need to be patient, calm, responsible, and reliable for your spouse and your children. You will need to have your finances in order. You will need to be in good shape, so you can play with and keep up with your kids. Your entire life, or as much of it as possible, should be in line with that goal. From extremely practical things, like how much money you want to have in your bank account, to the more emotional side of things, like how you want to show up every day for your children or spouse, there is so much to work on! Of course, just like with the marathon, there will be breaks, missed workouts, splurges, and less disciplined times in your life, but you will still be oriented towards that eventual goal.
Once you start taking your goals seriously, you can see how quickly and easily they can take over your life. And life is exactly what this is about! Not just a single, solitary goal. From your finances, your health, your hobbies, to your relationships, you can always take life more seriously. This is a tall order, certainly! Taking this kind of approach to your entire life can seem overwhelming, and it will be a struggle, but aren’t the rewards exactly what you claim to want?
Footnotes
- I’m not the first person to talk about this idea of "taking life seriously". I’ve read about this idea in Substack articles and tweets before; I just wanted to add my own thoughts here. Some links to other people’s work: here and here. ↩️
- I feel like a broken record always referencing Simon, but once again, he has written about this. ↩️